I Need to Apologize (Explicit)

[Oberst W. Klink]

*stands next to Hogans door his books in arm*
*impatiently accepts all the thanks with nods and forced smiles*
*his good manners force him to thank Carter and Newkirk in turn*
*forces a wide smile for Carter* and thank you Sergeant Carter for your help
* the smile wilts at Newkirks words and he just nods with slight indignation*
it's alright Colonel Hogan
*pushes past Newkirk into Hogans office and kicks the door shut behind him*
*slowly places the pile of files and folders on Hogans desk*
*then turns to face Hogan*
thank you, Hogan, for the kind words but... wasn't the Thank-You-Parade a bit much ? *grimaces*
is this how your ... whats it called... thanks giving holiday is like in america? *grimaces even more*
*actually he came in to apologize but doesn't know where to begin. Hasn't given a sincere apology to anyone in years*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*same neutral tone*
"Nope. You said you wanted us to show you more appreciation, so don't complain when we do it."
*is surprised Klink even knows what Thanksgiving is. Remembers the one time he'd mentioned having a Halloween party, Klink had thought he was making up a holiday*
*tilts his hand from side to side*
"Kind of. That's more about being thankful the Native Americans shared food with the Pilgrams - the first settlers in America - so they wouldn't starve the first winter they were there. We honor that memory every year by having a big meal and sharing something we're thankful for. This was more my guys trying to show their appreciation for what you do."
*faux injured expression*
"Frankly, I'm the one who feels underappreciated right now. I'm very insulted you thought I was accusing you of being a drunk."
*turns his head away, but glances at Klink out of the corner of his eye*
"Wouldn't be opposed to you fixing that, though."

[Oberst W. Klink]

*makes a face at Hogan acting insulted*
*Speaks lowly so he won't be overheard from outside in case anyone is listening*
Yes yes... I came in here because i wanted to apologize to you... Robert
*Wonders if now is the time to use first names or if he should make an official apology to Colonel Hogan*
I was very harsh earlier and I am sorry for that.
...and thank you for speaking in my favour.
*Is still unsure about this whole apology thing*
*Was it enough or must he add more*
I hope you'll be able to forgive my shortcomings ... and ...
*Gathers his things from the desk*
...I'll speak to you once the inspector left.
*wants to add that it'd be nice if Hogan could refrain from barging into his office and embarrassing him infront of the inspector but stops himself as it probably wouldn't help his apology to say that*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*looks at Klink again*
*smiles when he hears his first name*
*speaks in a low voice*
"Well, thank you, Wilhelm. I appreciate your apology. Regarding your shortcomings, we can talk about those later. They're gonna take longer than a half hour to discuss."
*smiles to show he's joking*
*decides he won't barge into the Kommandantur and embarrass Klink*
*Turns serious when he hears the sound of Schultz's voice outside the barracks*
"Well, that's your cue. Have a good luck charm."
*gives Klink a quick peck on the lips*
"I have faith in you."

- Later that evening, after the inspector leaves -

*sits on the couch next to Klink in the kommandant’s quarters*
"I told you my boys were good. That inspector obviously didn't find anything wrong, or you wouldn't still be here."
*sighs*
"Listen, I wanna apologize to you for what I said earlier. I shouldn't have said anything when I was angry. I...I'm sorry."
*sounds sad*
"I hope I didn't screw everything up between us..."

[Oberst W. Klink]

*a wide grin spreads on his face after Hogan has kissed him*
*But it immediately wilts again at Hogan's next words*
Hogan, *is extremely touched and his voice shows it* that's the nicest thing you have ever said to me...
*Wishes he didn't have his arms full of files so he could pull Hogan close*
*Instead hurries out when he hears the door of the staff car*


- later -


*Has a bottle of port on the table and a glass in hand*
*His other hand is on Hogan's thigh his thumb absently stroking*
It's not over *grimaces unhappily* he took all the files to Hammelburg for examination despite my protests.
Although it all looked good to me, Newkirk did a great job on the false receipts. You'll have to thank him from me...
I just hope that inspector wasn't sent to... how do you say...frame me *sighs veeeery unhappily*


Well it did sound like you think I couldn't handle my schnaps when I just take a little to calm my nerves... More for force of habit than effect... *Gives Hogan a raised eyebrow*
*Then pointedly sips on his glass of port before he sets it on the table*
But let's forget about all of that,
*Puts his arm around Hogans shoulders pulls him close and whispers in his ear*
there are so many nicer things to do than apologize...
*Has opened one button on Hogan's shirt and slips his hand inside*

[Col. R. Hogan]

“Could be. Fortunately, he won’t be an issue much longer.”
*smiles sheepishly at the raised eyebrow*
*wants so badly to let things run their natural course, but his honor won’t let him do it yet*
*reluctantly pushes Klink’s hand away*
“I’m not gonna be able to focus if you start kissing me, Wilhelm…and you might not ever wanna talk to me again in a few minutes.”
*takes a deep breath*
“Do you remember when I told you earlier I have something to tell you? Something important that would prove I was being sincere?”

[Oberst W. Klink]

*had completely forgotten about that*
*Pulls his arm back from around Hogan and looks at him worriedly*

[Col. R. Hogan]

“I’m gonna take that as a yes.”
*gets up and walks over to the stove, which is in full view of the couch*
*pushes it aside to reveal the tunnel entrance*
“No, you don’t have a problem with termites.”

*briefly chuckles before turning serious again*

*speaks in German so there's no chance of a miscommunication*

“I’m Papa Bear. My team and I do about 99% of the stuff Hochstetter accuses me of. We have tunnels all over this camp. Also have your office bugged, all kinds of uniforms, fake papers, even a radio to speak with headquarters in London. If worst comes to worst, I can get you to England. Schultz too, of course. He’s turned plenty of blind eyes to all the monkey business that goes on here.”
*motions to the tunnel once more before closing the entrance*
“I’m aware all of this makes me a spy…and that spies have no rights under the Geneva Conventions. But I trust you enough not to turn me or my men over to the Gestapo. There’s no way I would ever say anything to you if I didn’t. As I’ve already stated, I really like you. A lot. Enough to trust you with my life, the same way you’ve trusted me with yours a few times. I can – and will – protect you at all costs.”
*sits back down on the couch within easy grabbing distance of Klink*
*keeps his hands visible to show he has no weapon*
“You should know that the inspector you met today has already vanished. In his place will be one that finds nothing wrong with your books, who says you’re running a model camp. That’ll be one of my men in disguise. But he’ll come back after he finishes handling everything; he always does.”
*studies Klink’s face*
“Now you know why I stopped you from touching me a few minutes ago. So uh, do…do you have any questions for me?”

[Oberst W. Klink]

*stares at the tunnel blankly*
*Hears Hogan speak German but barely understands anything after Hogan admits that he is Papa Bear because his ears are ringing so loudly*
*He knew that Hogan was involved in things no POW should be involved in*
*Sometimes he even suspected that Hochstetter might be right*
*But never really considered it*
*Maybe because he didn't want to consider it*
*His hand covers his open mouth and he has no words*
*This is so much bigger than he had ever imagined*
*Feels sick*

Get out *flatly*

*Gets up and goes to his bedroom*
*Locks the door behind him*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*looks crushed*

*is utterly devastated*

*was hoping being honest would make things better, not worse*
*instead he’s been rejected still again*
*feels both sick and numb inside*
*really thought Klink would be happy to finally know what’s going on*
*stands there for a few minutes after he leaves, making sure he won’t lose his composure in front of his men*
*looks longingly at Klink’s door*
*but figures he needs time to process everything*
*wipes at his eyes, then leaves*
*goes straight to his quarters and closes the door*
*curls up into a ball on his bottom bunk*
*quietly sobs for the loss of what could have been*

[Oberst W. Klink]

*sits on his bed face in hands*
*How could he have been so stupid and not notice this*
*Hogan didn't make him look like a fool, he is a fool*
*How can he ever look into the mirror again?*
*Feels ashamed and heartbroken and wishes he could just vanish forever*



- the next morning at rollcall -


Schulz:

Oans
Zwo
Drei
...

[Col. R. Hogan]

Newkirk: *is looking at Hogan’s empty spot*
*wonders why Hogan ordered all of them not to horse around at roll call until further notice*
*recalls hearing Kinch be told he was to give the Senior POW Officer reports for a while*
*turns to Kinch*
“Oi, do you know what kind of personal bad news the Gov got from home? Maybe we can help cheer him up.”

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schulz:
*has finished his countin and waits for the Kommandant to appear*
*wonders why he's late*
*overhears Newkirk and goes to Kinch*
Ja, what's wrong with the Colonel? The big shot will want to know why he's not here


Kinch:
*doesn't know what is wrong with the Colonel, either. He only knows that there was nothing that came in via radio*
I don't know. He only said that he wasn't feeling well.



LeBeau:
I'll make some chicken broth then. He'll feel better in no time!


Kinch:
... But he acted a bit weird yesterday, don't you think?
I mean that speech about old Klink?
*curiously looks at Newkirk who migth know more about what was going on with the Colonel and the Kommandant*


Schulz:
*listenes to Kinch with raised eyebrows*
The Kommandant was in a veeeerrrrry bad mood yesterdy morning...
*looks at his watch*
It is also verrry odd, that the Kommandant is not here yet...
I'll go look for him and you
*looks at all of them sharply*
stay riiiight here, until I come back!
And no Monkey Business!
*leaves for Klinks quarters*



-in Klink's bedroom-

Klink:
*wakes up from Schultz coming in*
*pulls the blanket up lest Schultz see that he has slept in his clothes*
*his head hurts, which is probably because of the empty bottle of Port on his nightstand*
Schuuuultz *angry*
What do you want in my bedrooom?!

*was too loud for himself and squeezes his eyes shut*

Schulz:
Herr Kommandant! *salutes* Es is Apell!
It is rollcall since ten minutes ago, Herr Kommandant....
Goahts Ehna ned guad? Are you not well Herr Kommandant?
*eyes the bottle sheepishly

Klink:
RAAAAAUUUUS!!!
I am ill and i will not see anyone today!!
Especially not you!!
Get out!!

*groans when Schultz has closed the door again and he remembers what had happened*
*wishes he had never woken up*
*pulls the blanket over his had and curls in on himself*
Scheisse...

[Col. R. Hogan]

-Out on the compound-

Newkirk: “He’ll like that, Louis. A bit of yer cookin’ will spruce him up in no time at all.”
*chooses not to diss French foods for once*
*mentally crosses his fingers that Hogan is physically sick versus emotionally sick*
*nods his head*
“He sure was, Kinch. Seemed a bit out of sorts to me.”

Carter: “Maybe Klink threatened him or something.”

Newkirk: “Carter, a man doesn’t give a speech about another man’s merits if they’ve been threatened!”

Carter: *indignant tone*
“Gee, it was just a suggestion. Don’t bite my head off.”
*looks thoughtful*
“Hey, we should ask Schultz! Maybe he has the answer.”

Newkirk: “Are you barmy? Why in the ruddy hell would ol’ Schultzlie know what’s going on with the Gov when we don’t even know? Use your head for somethin’ other than a hat rack, Andrew!”
*scoffs*
“Besides, he ‘knows nothing’, remember? I’m surprised he even knows he’s on duty ‘alf the time.”

Carter: “I didn’t mean it like that, Newkirk.”
*rolls his eyes*
“But he might know why Klink is so mad. If we knew that much, we’ll know if it has anything to do with the Colonel or not.”

Newkirk: “Fair enough, mate.”
*frowns and turns to Kinch*
“D’you think Klink’s bad mood has something to do with how the Gov’nor’s bad news?”

[Oberst W. Klink]

Kinch:
as far as I know old blood n guts shouldn't be in a bad mood at all!
You fixed his book, the inspector is going to have an accident after "he" phoned Berlin to tell them what a model camp Klink runs....
The Colonel fixed all of Klink's problems....
it is strange...


Schultz:
*comes out of Klink's private Quarters and dismisses the men*
*when they storm him with questions, he tells them that Klink claims he is ill but he actually is just hung over*
*shakes his head over Klink*



- later in barracks 2 -

LeBeau:
*knocks on Hogan's room and quietly enters with the steaming chicken broth*
*the shutters are closed and it is dark*
Mon colonel?
*sets the soup on the table*
I made you some Chicken soup to make you feel better
*turns to the bed*
are you alright Colonel ? Is there anything you need?

[Col. R. Hogan]

*has been up most of the night crying and worrying about the future of him and his men*
*also has a migraine and a raspy voice*
*keeps his back to LeBeau while he’s speaking*
“Thanks, but I’m not hungry.”
*sounds irritated*
“I’m perfectly fine, LeBeau. Can’t a fella have any time to himself around here without being fussed over?”
*waves his hand dismissively*
“I don’t wanna see or talk to anyone for a while, got it?”
*yells without meaning to*
“Just go away and leave me alone! That’s an order! Same goes for everyone else here.”
*would get completely wasted if he wasn’t so worried he’d spill the beans*
*puts the pillow over his head and groans, having made his headache worse by shouting*


-From inside the main area of Barracks 2-

Newkirk: *lets out a low whistle in between drags of his cigarette*
“Blimey, the Gov must really be in a foul mood. I ain’t never heard ‘im yell at any of us like that before.”

Carter: “Yeah…poor LeBeau. That must’ve been some really bad news from home. Maybe someone close to Colonel Hogan died; that would explain a lot.”

Newkirk: “No clue, mate. All I know is we’d better tread carefully for a while. Last thing any of us need is to make ‘im madder at us.”
*shakes his head*
“What a mess.”

[Oberst W. Klink]

- the next day in the Kommandant's office-


*has spent the entirety of yesterday in bed drowning in self pity except for five minutes when Burkhalter insisted he come to the phone*
*had then been told that the Inspector reported his books were in order which sent him into another spiral of self pity because he had needed Hogan's help for that*
*because useless Klink can't do anything right*
*because he is the stupidest fool in all of Germany and the laughing stock of every officer who's ever been here and now he can't even deny anymore that they were right*

*but there is one thing Wilhelm Klink is really good at and that he can do right and that is: ignore all the bad things swallow his pride and go on as if nothing happened*
*that way he had gotten through being bullied in school, being the worst in university, being a homosexual, a war, ... that way he had made it through to colonel*
*so he had dragged himself out of bed that morning and attended roll call*
*where there was no trace of Hogan*

*when he had questioned Schultz about Hogan the Feldwebel told him that Hogan's men believe he had bad news from home and that he locked himself in his quarters*
*against Schultzs expectations Klink had just nodded at that and ever since he had sat in his office brooding*

Frl. Hilda:

*comes into the office to bring Klink coffee and finds him resting his head on his crossed armes on the table staring out the window*
Herr Kommandant?
*gives him a concerned look*


Klink:
*just waves her off without looking up*
*when she left he listlessly stirs the coffee*
*sighs*
*looks at the cognac bottle then goes over and pours some into the coffee*
*falls into his chair again and resumes staring out the window while he absently sips his coffee*
*wishes that Hogan would come in any minute and everything would be as before and he could pretend nothign ever happened*
*but that wasn't going to happen*
*and what he knew now could never be unknown*
*feels the lump in his throat rise again that has been bothering him since Hogan told him the truth*
*collapses into himself and just stares at his lap*
*what did Hogan even want with him?*
*him the always boasting fool who Hogan could play like a fiddle*
*why had Hogan not just continued to manipulate him?*
*Hogan couldn't possibly have an ounce of respect for him, knowing how stupid and blind Klink is*
*the lump in his throat grows bigger and bigger*
*yet Hogan had convincingly claimed that he had feelings for him and had told him the truth instead of manipulating him longer*
*rests his face on the table and covers his head with his arms*



- after evening roll call in Klink's quarters -

*has neither seen nor heard of Hogan the entire day*
*pokes at his dinner without appetite*
*he had hoped that Hogan would come look for him at some point but why would he...?*
*it's not like many people have come look for him in his life...*
*and even if Hogan had come to see him how could he ever look at Hogan again without feeling like the stupidest idiot ever?*
*he can't even look at his own reflection without wanting to punch it for being such a fool and never realizing that Hogan actually was  Papa Bear*
*slumps and lets his head hang low*
*he could really use a hug now, or a shoulder to lean on.... but the one person who was close enough to him during the past years to trust his problems to has not been seen for two days*
*sets the fork down and tries to swallow the lump in his throat*
*Wilhelm Klink has not cried since school and he surely won't now*
*it's the one thing in his life that he can be proud of, that he has always kept his chin up, no matter how worthless he has felt*
*so he's going to keep it that way*
*clears his throat and gets up*
*puts his cap on and reaches for his coat*
*but then turns around for the box of sweets*
*binds some of them into a hankerchief and puts the bundle into his coat pockets*
*puts the coat on and goes to barracks 2*
*enters without knocking*
Don't get up for me!
*snarls at the men as he barges past them*
*knocks on Hogans door but doesn't wait to be called in as he can't stand the men's looks piercing his back*
*enters*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*hasn’t left his room for the past two days except to use the latrine*
*or shaved*
*has managed to make himself physically sick from the combination of sobbing and not eating a thing during that time frame*
*feels terrible because of how he’s treated his men, but is in no shape to apologize at the moment*
*has sunk into a deep depression from the whole situation with Klink*
*said depression is made worse because he knows people are worried about him*
*except for the one person he wants to care*
*is planning to escape tomorrow, go to the Gestapo Headquarters and ask Hochstetter to shoot him so he can pretend it wasn’t suicide*
*has already left Kinch written orders regarding the operation. Stated in them that this is not Klink’s fault and wants him to be protected when the Allies eventually come*
*can’t bring himself to care that this is the coward’s way out*
*has heard Klink conducting roll call, so figures he must be doing better*
*that knowledge makes him feel worse*
*had been holding out hope that Klink would at least come talk to him until that point*
*now assumes Klink never cared about him to begin with*
*desperately wishes he could harden his heart and pretend he doesn’t care either*
*feels like his plan is better than living with the stabbing pain of having his trust and love so utterly crushed*
*is too numb to be shocked about mentally admitting he’s in love*
*sobs even harder after realizing his feelings will never be returned*
*doesn’t hear the knock on his door or hear it open*
*doesn’t see the light from the main room either because his back is to it*
“I miss him so much. Where did I go wrong? I thought he’d be happy. Instead, he hates me. He hates me and it’s all my fault.”
*curls up into a ball on his bottom bunk*
*punches a pillow*
“I’m such an idiot!”
*sobs some more*
“I hope Hochstetter won’t ask why I want him to shoot me. But I just can’t do this anymore!”
*finally registers someone’s presence in his room once the door closes*
*yells*
“I thought I told you guys to –”
*cuts himself off when he sees who it is*
*doesn’t bother wiping the tears from his face*
*speaks in a raspy voice*
“God, I’m so sorry about everything. Please…please don’t shun me again.”

[Oberst W. Klink]

*is very confused at what he hears from Hogan*
*Turns on the light*
*Sees the blotchy face and hears Higan beg to not shun him again*
*Is even more confused*
*To see Hogan cry is the very last thing he expected to find here*

Was... What happened? *Stunned*
*Has absolutely no idea why on earth Hogan would be crying*

*Stupidly stares at Hogan for another moment before he moves to sit on the bedside and pulls Hogan i to his arms*
*Rests his chin on Hogan's hair and holds him tight*
What happened ... Rob? *Softly*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is afraid Klink might bolt at any minute*
*latches onto his torso when he’s pulled into Klink’s arms*
*half cries, half speaks for his explanation*
“I thought you hated me after you told me to get out, Wilhelm. I didn’t wanna bug you, so I stayed away. I did the one thing you’ve always told me to do and left you alone.”
*sniffles*
“At first I thought you just needed time to process everything, but…but then you didn’t come see me, even after you started conducting roll calls again. It’s been hard to hear your voice, to know you were so close and wanted nothing to do with me. And I haven’t eaten anything since that day either. I…I’ve been too miserable. Too heartbroken at losing the one person in this camp that I love.”
*begins crying again*
“You won’t have to worry about me much longer, though. I’m gonna go to Hochstetter’s office tomorrow and give him what he’s always wanted: a free pass to shoot me. Don’t worry, I already left Kinch some instructions to ensure your safety when the Allies come. Added that this wasn’t your fault either. It’s the least I can do after everything I’ve done. All the stress and heartache I’ve caused you...”
*trails off as his shoulders shake*
“I just want you to know that I love you, Wilhelm. And I’ve missed you so much. I…I hope you’ll forgive me at some point.”