I Need to Apologize (Explicit)

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is grateful Schultz chased those assholes away*
*but unhappy that someone else witnessed his misery*
*is torn between wanting Schultz to report everything he's been doing to Klink and wanting him to keep his mouth shut*
*uses some of the snow to wash things he'd rather not think about out of his hair*
*also uses it to wash his face*
*is gonna need a shower after he finishes this job*
*resumes his scrubbing*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*had paused long enough to hear Schultz tell off the guards*
*is glad Schultz is a good man*
*runs to get that cup of water and comes back as quickly as he can*
*sees his colonel still hard at work*
*can't believe how unique Hogan is for an officer but feels lucky to have met him*
*holds out the cup*
"Here you go, Guv. Er...d'you want me to bring a fresh uniform to you when you get a shower? I don’t think you want anyone else to see ya like this."

[Col. R. Hogan]

*Thanks for the water, Newkirk."
*rinses his mouth out a few times*
*downs the remainder of the water*
*hands back the empty cup*
"Sure, that'd be swell."
*bites his tongue to keep from saying "I didn’t want you to see it either."*
*he doesn't need to offend anyone else today*
"Now if you don’t mind, I need to get back to scrubbing. I wanna get this done so I can bathe before dinnertime. Really don’t wanna be late to the mess hall again; the food is worse than usual if you're late."
*shudders*
*waves goodbye*
*returns his attention to scrubbing*

-Two hours later-

*has made these latrines sparkle too*
*which he's grateful for because he really needs a shower by now*
*curses when he notices the sun is getting lower in the sky*
*all the harassment slowed him down enough to where it wouldn't be safe to do much work on the roof*
*maybe he'll get lucky and it won't require much work*
*he can only hope*
*goes to return his cleaning tools to the appropriate place*
*then heads out to find Schultz*
*holds his head high among the snickers he hears from a few of the guards*
*he won't allow them to take what's left of his dignity from him*
*approaches the Sergeant of the Guard*
"Sergeant Schultz, do you think I could possibly get a quick shower? I uh, I kind of got something spilled on me." *hastily* "I can skip bathing day in return if need be. Please?"
*doesn't normally use Schultz's title, but figures a bit of politeness can't hurt*
*is unhappy at how small his voice sounds*
*he sounds like a little boy and he doesn't like it one bit*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:

*wrinkles his nose at the smell that comes in with Colonel Hogan*
Ach du liebe Zeit, Colonel Hooogan... *sighs*

*wants to give the poor guy a hug but decides it's better to not come too close to that stinky mess*

Come come

*heads for the showers*
I will turn on the hot water for you, liebe Zeit, you look like you need it...
Sogns amol, Colonel Hogan...
*stops to look at Hogan*
You have a bad conscience because you scared the poor Kommandant so much?
*looks at Hogan with a raised eyebrow*
I don't really understand this...?
If you do this to apologize to Herrn Oberst, why did you tell me not to tell him...?

[Col. R. Hogan]

*grateful tone*
"Thank you. I really appreciate it."
*follows Schultz*
*takes a moment to decipher what "bad conscience" means*
*normally he's pretty good at deciphering Schultz-ese on the fly but he's tired*
*blows out a heavy breath of air*
"Yeah, I do. I didn't mean to let things get so out of hand. But I was mad. I let my temper override my logic and caused Klink to hate me. That's not an exaggeration either, Sergeant. He literally said he didn't care if I died. Wouldn't give me a chance to explain anything either before he told me to fuck myself. I'm hoping he was saying it 'cause he was mad, though."
*slumps his shoulders*
*scuffs the toe of his left boot on the ground*
"I don't want Klink to think I'm doing any of this to get his pity, you know? This isn’t a "Oh, poor me" situation. All I'm trying to do is earn his forgiveness, and get rid of my own guilt along the way. That's it. With any luck, if can get the tasks he needed done, he might be willing to do that much...I hope."
*voice cracks on the last two words*
*looks up at Schultz*
"If you can figure out a way to tell him tomorrow without making it sound bad, go for it. Just please, wait until after I finish repairing the roof of the motor pool if you do."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*Shakes his head at Hogan*
*How did he end up in the middle of these two?*
*Starts for the showers again*
The big shot has his flaws but he is not one to hold a grudge...
*Though he might make an exception this time... But he doesn't tell that to Hogan, the poor guy seems to truly be sorry and doesn't need more to worry about... But he also has never seen the Kommandant so afraid... Klink had been threatened with a firing squad or Siberia more than once before, but he had never lost his composure like that... Even if being threatened with "Interrogation" by a personal enemy is a damn good reason to loose composure*
*Unlocks the utility room and opens the gas valve then presses the big button that starts the burner for the hot water*
Here you go
*Locks the utility room again*
Take your time
I will tell Newkirk to bring you something else to wear
*Leaves for barracks 2 where he tells newkirk that Hogan is in the shower and will need fresh clothes*
Come find me when he's done then i can close the gas valve again

[Col. R. Hogan]

*walks into the shower block*
*strips off his foul smelling coveralls, boots and crush cap*
*quickly rinses everything so it won't stink until he can wash it later on because he needs to wear them tomorrow*
*dress shows and rooftops do not mix*
*also takes off his watch so he can carefully rinse it*
*the watch is not waterproof and he doesn't want to ruin it*
*thinks it's a miracle the two buckets of water earlier didn't do that*
*figures his watch somehow avoided 98% of the contents* 
*steps under the hot water*
*enjoys the feel of it against his skin and wants to stay in there forever*
*but knows he'll have to bathe quickly once Newkirk gets there*
*doesn't want to take advantage of Schultz's kindness, despite his earlier words*
*hears a knock on the door 5 minutes later, followed by "Guv'nor?"*
*knows it's Newkirk by the term of address*
*which he finds endearing but wishes Newkirk could have been a little slower in getting there*
"Come in!"

[Col. R. Hogan]

*does so*
"Schultz told me you was in 'ere, so I grabbed a few of your things for ya and skidaddled over as quick as I could."
*sets down Hogan's uniform, dress shoes, bomber jacket, spare crush cap, comb and a towel in a dry area*
*hands Hogan his bar of soap*
*points to the soggy - but no longer smelly - items on the floor*
"I'd be 'appy to take those back to our barracks and give 'em a proper cleaning if you'd like, sir."
*is not fazed one bit by seeing his CO naked*
*Hogan has always insisted on showering in the same area his men do*
*he and his teammates often shower together and tease each other*
*it's a good way to let off some steam*
*also modesty doesn’t last very long in a POW camp*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*nods his head*
"Thanks, Newkirk. I'm gonna need my coveralls and boots tomorrow, so please make sure you put them by the stove to dry once they're clean."
*there is more than one reason he likes this snarky Englishman*
*he might come off as rough but he's got a heart of gold*
*doesn't know what he would do without Newkirk sometimes*
"Let LeBeau know I'll be sending Schultz his way soon, would you please? I think our favorite fluffy sergeant deserves a nice meal. He didn't have to let me bathe today, and with hot water to boot. Oh, and kindly tell him I'm gonna need a pot of coffee ready before he goes to bed. I need to be fully functional the entire night."

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Of course, Guv. You can depend on me."
*picks up the wet clothes and boots*
*thinks about asking why Hogan wants to stay up all night*
*decides not to because he already knows Hogan is one of those men that tells you things when they're ready to and not a moment before*
*it's frustrating sometimes but he's used to it*
*it's a hazard that comes with being part of the Unsung Heroes*
"I'll give Louis your message before I take care of these then. Ta!"
*exits the shower block*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*has been busy getting clean ever since Newkirk handed him his soap*
*rinses off*
*feels human again now*
*more awake too, which is a plus*
*he'll need it if he expects to stay awake all night doing Klink’s paperwork*
*towels off*
*puts on everything Newkirk dropped off for him*
*exits the shower block*
*doesn't see Schultz around so goes to find him*
*smiles at Schultz once he does*
"Thank you. I feel a lot better now that I don't smell like a pole cat."
*pats him on the shoulder*
"Why don't you head on over to Barracks 2 for dinner, huh? Don't wanna keep my boys waiting when they're expecting you. Tell LeBeau I said to give you that extra strudel too - he'll know what you mean."
*is talking about the extra one Carter picked up the night before*
*checks his watch*
"I have to get to the..." *grimaces* "...mess hall before all the good stuff is gone. I use the term 'good' very, very loosely, by the way."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*Beams at Hogan basically bouncin on his feet*
Struuuudel!
You won't have to tell me twice!
*But he has not even started towards thr showers to turn of the gas when he hears a loud yell from the direction of the Kommandantur*
*Flinches*
*It's Klink's angry voice screaming: "SCHUUUUUULTZ!! WHERE IS MY DINNER"*
*Sighs*
At least the big shot has found his appetite again.
*Hurries for the kitchens to fetch Klink's dinner*

[Oberst W. Klink]

*after prolonging the bath as long as he could he had shaved and dressed*
*His stomach was already rumbling then so he had wandered to his kitchen to find something to eat*
*But didn't find the pastries that originally were ordered for Hogan and he now had hoped to snack on*
*Grits his teeth*
Schultz! That fat thief!!
*After snacking on a sandwich he had stoked the fire and put on some music to compliment his sulking*
*Usually he would have gotten a drink as well but the hangover was still bothering him*
*Impatiently he had then waited for time to pass until dinnertime*
*He was still so hungry but his appetite was for something more substantial than another sandwich*
*The moment the clock had chimed 6 he went to the porch to scream for Schultz*
*He longed for a reason to chew someone out and here it was, dinner was late!*
SCHUUUULTZ!! WHERE IS MY DINNER?!

*when Schultz finally arrives with the dinner 10 minutes later he nearly makes him drop the plates by angrily swishing the riding crop on the table and cussing him out for being late and stealing the pastries*
*It feels good*
*he then shoos him around for a couple of minutes to get this and that from the kitchen before he throws the poor sergeant out of his quarters again and sits down to eat*
*He starts to wolf down the food but soon stops since his appetite seems to have left with Schultz*
*He probably shouldn't have been mean to him after he was so worried about the Kommandant yesterday*
*It would have been better to take out his anger on the person who deserved it...*
*Yet it felt good to be in command...*
*He truly is a horrible person... No better than Hochstetter maybe... No wonder Hogan hates him so much...*
*Listlessly pokes his food*
*Feels very lonely all of a sudden*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*Curses under his breath when he leaves Klink's quarters*
*But then remembers the Strudel and his mood lightens up again*
*Heads for B2, the showers forgotten*
*Enters*
LeBeauchen!
Colonel Hogan said, you have a fine dinner for me?!
*Beams at Louis*
And even better: mmmmm Strudel for desert! Yes?

[Oberst W. Klink]

LeBeau:
*Just started handing out plates*
*Rolls his eyes*
Yes Schultzie, there's a treat for a good Sergeant...
*Hands Schultz the next plate*
*The dog joke seems to be lost on Schultz as always*

[Col. R. Hogan]

-In the mess hall-

*looks at tonight's dinner curiously*
*has no idea what these two things are but they don't smell bad*
*one kind of looks like a shiny orb and the other like honeycomb*
*shrugs*
*takes a seat at a table*
*begins eating*
*they don't taste too bad either*
*both are a bit gamey, but not bad*
*eats with gusto*
*wants to hurry up and finish so he can get started on that paperwork*
*to hear Klink talk, the pile regenerates itself when nobody's looking*
*has just finished his food when one of his men calls out to him, "Hey Colonel, I didn't take you for such a fan of prarie oysters and tripe!"*
*looks down at his empty plate*
*has a bad feeling all of a sudden*
"Uh...what are those in layman's terms?"
*turns green when he hears the answer*
"I ATE WHAT?!?"
*sprints outside and promptly throws up*
"Dear God, why? Why would anybody eat a sheep's stomach?!? Or horse testicles? Wha...how...that is downright cruel to feed a man another male's balls!"
*pukes a few more times*
*this day has reached a new low just when he thought it couldn't get any worse*
*straightens up*
*wipes his mouth with the back of his hand*
*takes a few deep breaths* 
*heads for the Kommandantur to grab the paperwork*
*wants to get an early start on it so he can do a good job for Klink*
*he loves his Kommandant and would do anything for him*

-In Barracks 2-

*has successfully grabbed the pile of paperwork Klink needs to fill out of the Kommandantur*
*is now sitting in his office with the door closed and the pot of coffee LeBeau made him on his desk*
*doesn't see what's so hard about the forms that need to be filled out when they're not asking for much information per paper*
*it wouldn't be fun but it shouldn't take more than an hour tops*
*has done plenty of paperwork in his military career and despises it*
*even hates the stuff he has to do for the Red Cross*
*Robert Hogan is not cut out to be a desk officer*
*normally he tries to avoid doing paperwork at all costs 
*he'll make an exception to his rule for Klink, though*
*is grateful he's fluent in German as he looks at the first form*
"Alrighty, let's see here. What all does Berlin want to know?" 
*shakes his head* 
"Man, I never thought I'd be filling out paperwork for the German Headquarters. This war gets stranger every day."
*it looks easy enough...until he sees a phrase that makes him groan*
"8 copies? The hell are they gonna do with 8 copies of the same form, file one and make paper airplanes with the other 7?"
*makes various smart-ass remarks to himself while he fills out the initial form and its 7 copies*
"Thank God that's over. What else do they...aw, man. You've gotta be kidding me!"
*sees this form requires 8 copies too*
*flips through the rest of the papers, his heart sinking when he realizes every last one of them is gonna require a total 8 copies*
"What, do the krauts have a fucking war against trees too?!? Wasn't fighting on two fronts at once enough for them?!? Motherfucking goddamned son of a bitch, this is ridiculous!"
*he is normally not a man who swears like that but this news called for it*
*and it is the icing on his shitty day that involved literal shit*
*grimaces at the memory*
"Okay, I understand why Klink complains so much now. I thought he was exaggerating when he said how much of this he has to do."
*takes a few sips of coffee*
*flips the stack of paper the bird*
*gets to work*

-The next day-

*is finally done filling out 200 forms, which ended up being 1,600 pieces of papers since each one needed a total of 8 copies, including the original form*
*had put Newkirk to work signing Klink’s name on everything that needed it when he’d woken up in the middle of the night*
*has finished his pot of coffee too*
*sets down his pen*
"Man, I will never complain about American red tape again! That was worse than writing lines in school!"
*shakes his aching hand*
"I have a new respect for Klink and the job he does now. Suprised he didn’t take me up on my offer to defect just to get away from this, though."
*flips off the stack of forms again simply because he can*
*hears Schultz coming in to wake up his men*
*goes to the door and opens it*
"I'm already up, Schultz!"
*hands him the completed paperwork*
"Here, put this back on Klink’s desk when you leave, won't you?"
*yawns*
*rubs his bleary eyes*
"I gotta get ready for roll call."

[Oberst W. Klink]

-the next morning right before roll call-

*Has barely slept that night*
*Part because he slept too much during the day*
*Part because he couldn't stop thinking about why Hogan would put him through what he did*
*And how heartbroken he was about being betrayed like that and therefore loosing the one person he had felt close to in zhis world*
*But his going in circles for hours on end had at least led to one productive thought*
*One that would be an adequate revenge on Hogan*
*There's a cruel grin on his face when he binds his tie in front of the mirror and puts on his cap with care*
*Puts on his uniform and checks himself in the mirror again*
*Impeccable*
*The cruel grin and icy look in his eyes return*
*He'll make Hogan regret what he did*
*And he'll show him who is in command*

*Puts on his coat when he hears the bells for roll call and grabs his riding crop*
*Then walks out onto the porch without any rush*
*watches the prisoners from the porch toying with his crop*
*Waits for Schultz to finish his counting*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*Is surprised to see the Kommandant on the porch*
*Had expected him to hole up for at least another 2-3 days*
*Continues his counting*
*Sincerely hopes that the Kommandants mood is better already because he doesn't want to also be yelled at outside of meal times*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is standing in his usual spot with his arms wrapped around himself*
*waits impatiently for the count to be finished and the roll call to be over so he can get started on repairing the roof of the motor pool*
*can't wait to see the look on Klink’s face when the scullery renovations are completed today*
*hopes he'll be happy about about that*
*sees Klink step out onto the porch*
*grins from ear to ear because he's happy to see Klink up and about*
*was genuinely worried when he didn't see the Kommandant at all yesterday*
*grin fades when he recalls how Klink never wants to see his face again*
*pulls his crush cap low over his face so Klink won’t have to see it*

[Oberst W. Klink]

*when Schultz turns to him and reports all present and accounted for he measuredly strides down from the porch and to the rows of prisoners*
*starts to walk up their row giving everyone a scrutinizing look*
There has been a lack of discipilne here, lately.
*Speaks quietly with the cruel grin on his face while he casually taps his palm with the riding crop*
One that derives from everyone getting too comfortable in their positions!
*with these words he gives Hogan who he just reached a look spewing fire*
But that will change!
*Swishes the crop into his palm for emphasis*
*Then starts to walk down the row again tapping the crop*
There has been sympathizing between guards and prisoners!
*Gives Schultz a mmmpf look at that*
This is something I won't tolerate in my camp!
*Swishes the crop into his palm again for emphasis*
The most escape proof POW camp in all of Germany!!
*Raises his voice at these words just saying them out of habit but then remembers where this record comes from and grits his teeth*
*feels incredibly humiliated*
*turns around and starts back into Hogan's direction his face irate*
From now on the leniency will end!!
*Speaks loudly now his voice easily carrying across the compound *
Insolence! *Swish* And Fraternizing!*swish* Will be severely punished!
*Stops in front of Hogan but lets his gaze wander over the men with his threat*
*then turns to Hogan whos gaze is on the ground and cap is pulled deep into his face*
*lets the crop gently caress Hogan's neck as it glides upward under his chin*
*lifts Hogan's chin with the crop so he has to look at him*
*His eyes still spew fire*
*whispers*
I will not be mocked anymore within my own fence.