I Need to Apologize (Explicit)

[Col. R. Hogan]

*thinks for a moment*
"I'd say the approval forms, sir. We don't want to use counterfeit money if we ain’t got to - it's bad for the market."
*looks offended*
"I'm hurt, Guv’nor. You're askin' if I, Peter Newkirk, can forge ol' Klink’s signature? 'Course I can! Why, I could practically do it in me sleep if I 'ad to!"
*does not want to know why he was just asked that question*
*has a new respect for Schultz's motto*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*nods*
"Then that's what we'll do. I need you to get on that right away; I'd like to get this done and dealt with before Klink realizes what's going on. Should be funny to see the look on his face afterwards, though."
*claps him on the shoulder*
"If you need me, I'll be in the scullery."
*walks away*

-In the scullery-

*takes in all the mold with a look of absolute horror*

*realizes this job is probably going to take him until lunchtime to complete by himself*

*and that's if there's any bleach in the camp*

*but he refuses to accept any help*

*he's the one who screwed up, not his men*
*at least the mopping will be easy enough*

*blows out a breath of air*

"Well Rob, you wanted unpleasant tasks, right? Looks like you got your wish."

*mentally assesses what tools and supplies he'll need*

*goes off to get them*

*comes back 10 minutes later dressed in his coveralls and some boots, since he didn't want to ruin his uniform or dress shoes*

*unfortunately there was no bleach*

*but at least he has a scratchy sponge and a scraper to do the appropriate parts of the job with*

*dips the sponge into the soapy water and begins cleaning*

[Col. R. Hogan]

-An hour later-

*walks into the scullery*
*mouth drops open when he catches sight of Hogan*
*his CO is on his knees, scrubbing furiously at the baseboards*
*his bare chest is showing because he's only dressed in coveralls from the waist up*
"Colonel, why didn’t you ask...never mind."
*had just recalled Hogan stating he was going to do unpleasant tasks*
"Newkirk says to let you know he's just about done with the paperwork, but he needs to know if he should order a rush job or not. Supposedly, the installers can be here tomorrow afternoon if he does. They're based in Hammelburg."

[Col. R. Hogan]

*doesn't stop scrubbing*
*the mold is stubborn, but so is he*
*he will get this done come hell or high water*
"A rush job would be great. But tell Schultz I won’t be at any of the roll calls today, will ya? I'm gonna be too busy working. He's welcome to check on me if he wants to, though. I know I'll be in here for..." *stops long enough to check his watch* "...the next 3 hours at minimum."
*resumes scrubbing*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"You got it, sir. Is there anything else you need from me?"
*is still suprised Hogan would take on such a huge job by himself*
*he knows the man is not your typical officer by now*
*even so, he can't recall a single time he's ever seen his CO work like this without any help*
*usually Hogan works side by side with him and the rest of the team*
*it's almost unnerving to see a full colonel slaving away like a private*
*he decides not to say what he's thinking out loud for fear of insubordination*
*the downside to having a clever commander is that they're clever with the punishments too*
*he would rather not open that can of worms*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"No, but thanks, Carter. You're a good egg."
*waves to acknowledge the "Bye, Colonel" he hears from Carter*
*returns his focus to scrubbing*
*he really does not wanna have to come back to finish this after lunch*
*he'd rather get the job completed before then*
*now he knows what Cinderella felt like*
*that thought reminds him of when he, Newkirk and LeBeau dressed up as USO girls*
*whacking that SS officer with a purse had given him great satisfaction*
*Klink had almost been laughing too hard to tell him the story*
*thinking of Klink makes him sad*
*he desperately wants his kommandant to forgive him*
*and not just because he wants to see Klink’s smile either*
*is hoping that maybe, just maybe, he can earn that forgiveness if he works hard enough*
*gets a determined look in his eyes as he attacks the mold with a renewed vigor*

-3 1/2 hours later-

*is finally done with all of the scrubbing, sweeping and mopping*
*can honestly say he never wants to see any kind of mold again*
*but his efforts have paid off because the scullery practically sparkles*
*takes a moment to feel proud for actually doing it while he does a few stretches*
*wipes his forehead*
*heads for the mess hall, carrying his tools with him so he has them after he's through eating lunch*

-In the mess hall-

*gets there at the tail end of lunchtime and all of the 'good' food is gone*
*the only things left are head cheese and some kind of liver spread*
*the spread looks like something he'd feed his dog; the head cheese is gallatinous and full of things he doesn't wanna think about*
*but he knows he has to eat or else LeBeau will treat him to an angry rant and he doesn't want to hear that*
*so he takes a tray and sits at a table away from everyone else*
*cuts a piece of the head cheese off with his fork*
*grimaces at its jiggle as he stabs it*
*pops it into his mouth and chews*
*nearly gags but swallows*
"Jeez, that's disgusting!"
*decides to try putting some liver spread on the next piece he cuts*
*that only makes the head cheese taste worse*
*so does closing his eyes to avoid looking at it because then the jiggly substance seems even squishier* 
*he is not nearly ravenous enough for this but Robert Hogan is not a quitter*
*he will choke down this entire meal if it kills him*
"God, how can anybody think this is delicious? Ew!"
*continues to eat, grimacing every time he takes a bite*
*realizes he probably looks like quite a sight dressed in coveralls with sweat-matted hair*
*can't bring himself to care*
*is more concerned with his tastebuds breaking*
*also with how he's going to get through any more meals like this*
*cleaning the latrines should be a pleasant experience by comparison*
*that is his next project*
"This is so not my day..."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*Around Lunchtime he goes to check on the Kommandant*
*Finds the Breakfast untouched*
*Is a bit worried at that*
*But also takes the opportunity to pop one of the pastries into his mouth*
*Takes the rest of the breakfast into the kitchen*
*Puts the other pastries into his pocket. They sure won't be good much longer, they'll just get soggy if they sit any longer*
*When he's done cleaning everything away he goes to the kitchen to get some soup for the Kommandant's lunch*
*Notices how the scullery is superclean when he passes through*
*Sets the soup on the Kommandants table*
*There is still no sign of Klink*
*Thinks he should knock and see how Klink is but he really doesn't want to. Chances are he just gets yelled at*
*after some debating does it anyway*

[Oberst W. Klink]

*wakes up from the knock on his door*
*Glances at the clock*
*Groans*
*It's not nearly late enough*
*He had hoped that it would at least be dinnertime when he would wake up again so he wouldn't have to deal with this day at all*
*Debates whether he should just pull the blanket over his head and pretend he didn't hear anything*
*But it knocks again and he hears Schultz's voice*


Schultz:
Herr Kommandant? Is olles in Oadnung?
I brought in your lunch..


Klink:
Go away Schultz!!
I'm not hungry!
*Yells*
*He feels like shit, everything hurts and he absolutely doesn't want to see anyone*
*But as soon as he has said he's not hungry his stomach starts to growl*
Verflixt... *Murmurs*
*It's not surprising, though, it's been over 24 hours since he last ate something*
Alright... Leave it on the table *grudgingly*
And then get out!
*Crawls out of bed with a groan, he really needs a bath, he feels filthy*
*But if he bathes first the lunch will get cold*
*Puts on his robe and goes to the bathroom to splash some water on his face*
*His reflection looks as shitty as he feels with dark circles under his eyes, haggard, unkempt and he could definitely do with a shave*
*Decides to take the lunch to his bedroom in case Schultz comes back*
*He won't allow it to be seen that way*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*As he thought he got yelled at*
*But that at least means the Kommandant is healthy*
*Salutes at the door out of habit and then goes to  Barracks 2 to see if he can snatch anything from LeBeau*
LeBeauchen! LeBeauchen!
What is it that smells so good in here? 
Dearest Cockroach have mercy on a poor Sergeant, yes?

[Oberst W. Klink]

LeBeau:
*was handing out plates at the stove when Schultz came in rolls his eyes but hands him a plate anyway*
Sit down, Schultzie
*He has made more in spite of what Colonel Hogan said, in case the poor man changes his mind after he tasted the food at the mess hall*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
Mmmmm LeBeauchen! You are a true friend!
Dankschee!
*Sits down with Kinch Newkirk and Carter*
Sogts amol, where is Colonel Hogan?
Does he not come for lunch?
*Starts munching*
I saw the scullery was all sparkling... and he asked me for work this morning? His reasonnwas that he was bored, no less!
It is all verrry out of the ordinary!
He did not make you clean the scullery, no?
*Couldn't imagine that Hogan would make his man clean the disgusting mold away but it's even more unthinkable that the colonel himself would have done it*
*Looks at the men curiously*
 

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Oh no, that was Colonel Hogan who did it. I saw him cleaning it earlier. See, he said he was gonna ask you what all tasks Klink’s been meaning to get done but hasn't yet, and -"
*pauses when Newkirk groans "Carter!"*
"What? I think it's nice he wants to make Klink's life easier after what he did."
*eyes widen after it clicks why his friend is irritated*
"Oops. Sorry, Newkirk. It just slipped out."

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Well, think before you speak next time or me fist might slip into your mouth. I don't think the Guv'nor is gonna be 'appy you went and told ol' Schultzie here about 'is plans!"
*rolls his eyes*
*looks at Schultz*
"Colonel Hogan ain't comin' for lunch, Schultz. He said 'e wanted to eat in the mess hall for a few days. I imagine that's where he's at now."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*His mouth falls open at Carter's revelation*
Nein...
*But the true extent of Colonel Hogan's reveals itself to him only when Newkirk tells him about the mess hall*
Neeeeiiin....! 
*Shakes his head in disbelief*
Der arme Colonel Hogan...

[Col. R. Hogan]

*has finally finished with his disgusting meal*
*goes outside to grab his tools from where he left them*
*heads over to the guards' latrines first*
*is glad theirs is somewhat cleaner than the prisoners'*
*it shouldn't take him longer than an hour to deep clean this*
*wrinkles his nose at the smell*
*gets to work*
*ignores the jeers and taunts he gets from two of the guards that don't like him*
*doesn't know if they hate Americans or just POWs in general but supposes it doesn't really matter*
*he is here to clean and he will not let himself be distracted*
*knows the best way to deal with bullies is to not give them any kind of a reaction because he was a bully for a short time*
*recalls going out of his way in college to pelt the few German immigrants with disgusting things for a week straight for his own entertainment*
*supposes this is karma catching up with him*
*that thought makes him smile wryly while he scrubs*

-An hour later-

*has successfully completed the job*
*kind of stinks from the combination of sweat and other things he doesn't want to think about, lest he throw up his lunch*
*but at least he's getting things done and that's the important part*
*this is not the first time his stubborn streak has come in handy*
*is glad he was raised with a good work ethic while he heads for the prisoners' latrines*
*figures he's gonna need it when he gets there*
*is soon proven correct*
*wrinkles his nose at the smell*
*mutters* "Man, I gotta tell Thomas he can't eat any more cheese! That stuff gives him the runs."
*sighs and gets to work*
*is not happy when the two guards that were heckling him before shows up and start doing it again*
*ignores their jeers and taunts like he'd done earlier*
*jerks in surprise when a snowball hits him*
*grits his teeth but doesn't say anything*
*keeps working despite more of them being thrown at him, only occasionally stopping to wipe the snow from his face*
*lets out a high-pitched shriek when the the bucket of shitty water is dumped over his head out of nowhere*
*the sound incites cruel laughter and more jeers*
*plus he definitely stinks now*
*still refuses to give those asshole the satisfaction of a verbal insult because the last thing he wants is to draw anyone's attention to him*
*he needed to change the water out anyways and now he doesn't have to empty the bucket*
*supposes that's a silver lining*
*figured he was going to look like shit after doing hard labor, just didn't expect to smell like it too*
*shivers slightly while he's refilling the bucket*
*is cold and looks likes a pitiful mess but is still determined to see this through*
*repairing his sort-of romance with Klink is more important to him than anything else*
*puts the bucket on the other side of him this time so neither of the krauts can dump it over his head again*
*keeps his end goal in mind as he continues to scrub*
*wants to do a good job so Klink will be happy with the results*
*frowns as it occurs to him that Klink will never know what he did unless he says something*
*which could backfire because then it'll look like he just wants attention*
*and that's not the case*
*is actually going out of his way to keep a low profile about all of this*
*the only reason he said anything to his men was so they wouldn't wonder where he was*
*or worse, try to talk to him while he's working*
*is glad none of them are around to see him being harassed*
*doesn’t know if he can handle the humiliation of looking like a victim in front of them*
*figures he can come up with the answer to his dilemma later on*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*goes to find Hogan to let him know the paperwork has been submitted*
*and that the scullery installers will arrive at 1300 hours sharp*
*arrives just in time to see one of the guards viciously shove his CO face first into one of the latrines and another dump filthy water over his head*
*angrily* "Oy! Leave 'im alone, you ruddy Jerries!"
*glares at them before hurrying over to Hogan*
*helps him to his feet*
"Are you alright, Guv’nor? Do you need me to get Wilson? Or anything else?"
*wrinkles his nose*
"Other than a shower, that is. Bloody hell, what did you do, roll in manure?"

[Col. R. Hogan]

*yelps in pain when his face is slammed into the latrine*
*chokes when some of the water seeps into his mouth*
*although that is disgusting, the worst part is knowing Newkirk saw what happened to him*
*feels utterly mortified by that fact*
*spits the water out as he stands up*
"I'm fine, Newkirk. Just tired is all. Could use a cup of water to rinse my mouth out, though."
*sarcastic tone*
"No, I just had shit and God knows what else dumped on me again. You can't exactly expect me to smell like roses!"
*inwardly curses because he didn't mean to say the word 'again'*
*that was a slip-up*
*sighs*
"Sorry, Newkirk. Didn’t mean to take my bad mood out on you."

[Col. R. Hogan]

"It’s fine, sir. I'd say you've got a reason to be a bit touchy at the moment."
*glares at the two guards*
"I'll go get that cup of water for you right now."
*hurries off*
*plans on telling Schultz what he saw before he comes back*
*nobody is going to get away with treating his commanding officer like that!*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*Hears a shriek when he passes by the latrines so he turns to go inside to check*
*Thinks he would probably find a couple POWs bullying one of their own like school boys*
*Collides with newkirk at the entrance*
*Who tells him that two of the guards are harrassing the colonel*
*Angrily goes inside to find two of his men and a wet messy miserably stinky Colonel*
Ja wosn hia looos?!!
*The colonel is still scrubbing and Schultz can't believe what he is seeing*
*The colonel must have really lost his mind*
What is going on here?!
You two, what business do you have in the prisoners latrines?!
Out out out
Raaauuuus, gemma, aufi!
*Shooos the guards out*
*Outside waves his finger at them*
If i catch you near Colonel Hogan one more time, it is you who will be scrubbing latrines for the next six months!
*then walks away with a shake of his head to leave the colonel to his misery*

[Oberst W. Klink]

*after the soup he notices how hungry he is but he doesn't want to go and make himself more food*
*Chances are he'll be sick anyway*
*So he decides for the hot bath instead*
*It feels nice to soothe his aching muscles and to drive out the cold that has settled in his bones ever since Hogan has sold him out*
*It hurts to think of Hogan*
*He knows that he has said mean things to him that night, things that he maybe would have apologized for if things hadn't come as they came*
*But now? There is no coming back from what Hogan did! No matter what mistakes he himself made, what Hogan did was not justified. He can't forgive him that, never!*
*Also he really doesn't understand what happened*
*what was going on in Hogan's mind to do such a vile thing*
*Wouldn't it have been enough revenge for the mean words to scare him for a moment when Hochstetter was there and then assure his help afterwards when he was begging for Hogan's help?*
*It would surely have been enough for his taste*
*How could Hogan do this to him?*
*And then.... He seemed to truly be sorry last night*
*That doesn't make sense!*
*Didn't the idiot asshole think of the consequences of his actions at all?!*
*What did Hogan expect would happen?!*
*That he would sink into his arms happily and thank Hogan that he saved him?!*
*Certainly not!*
*Grits his teeth*
*He hopes Hogan will get a taste of his own medicine one day*
*Even if he doesn't know how that is supposed to happen*
*Maybe he could send Hogan to a different Stalag... That would be an adequate revenge... It would break up his operation without endangering Klink*
*And the best thing about it would be that he would never have to see that vile traitors face again*