I Need to Apologize (Explicit)

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Always do, Hochstetter!"
*forgoes flipping him off on favor of carefully guiding Klink down the stairs, out of the major's earshot*
*speaks in a low voice*
*Sir, can you hear me? Wouldn’t normally ask, but you look really out of it right now."

[Oberst W. Klink]

*still leans heavy on Hogan*
*His words reach him with delay*
*Slowly looks up to Hogan - something he doesn't normally have to do but terror weighs him down and gives him a hunched posture*
*Blinks at Hogan, face paper white and covered in cold sweat, trying to make sense of what he just heard*
Ja...?

[Col. R. Hogan]

*voice is still low*
*knows he shouldn't do this if he wants the best possible results from his plan, but fuck it*
*the man he loves is terrified*
*probably freezing too*
*and that is unacceptable*
*is concerned about how slow Klink seems to be processing things*
*speaks in German so the kommandant doesn't have to mentally translate anything*
"Listen, I thought of something to help you. But you've gotta go with the flow and not question anyone who claims to know you. I know I don’t deserve it, but I need you to trust me. I won’t let him have you for very long."
*wants Klink to be as far away from the major as possible*
*so opens the passenger back door of Hochstetter's staff car instead of the driver's one*
*helps Klink get in*
*gives his hand a light squeeze*
*shuts the door*
*prays his plan works*

[Oberst W. Klink]

*Just nods at what Hogan says*
*As if he had the strength to question anything...*
*Or to mistrust Hogan*
*Any tiny straw that is not Hochstetter is worth reaching for*
*Lets Hogan place him into the car and is just happy that he can sut down again*
*Leans his head to the sidewal of the car and closes his eyes*
*Maybe he can just sleep through it all, he's so dizzy anyway, shouldn't be hard to fall asleep*
*Hears Hochstetter enter the car muttering curses at Hogan*
*Then the driver starts the car and they drive off*
*Tries to ignore Hochstetters cruel descriptions of what he's going to do to him and keeps his eyes tightly shut*
*but Hochstetter wants to be sure that he gets every word and starts poking him with his gun*
*He tries to ignore that too for a monute or two before he opens his eyes*
*Hochstetter is looking back at him*
*Klink just wants to be left alone*
*He doesn't care anymore what is going to happen*
*Maybe Hogan will save him, maybe not, it doesn't matter anymore, he just wants to be left alone to sleep*
*Glares at Hochstetter full of cold hate*
Weeßt de was, du Giftzwerg?! Leck mich!!
*The words are dripping with hate as he throws them into Hochstetters face*
*Then demonstratively shuts his eyes again as they drive through the woods*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*snuck out of the camp with Hogan minutes after Hochstetter left with Klink*
*is dressed in the uniform of an SS-Obersturmführer so he can play the part of an aide*
*hopes Hogan's silver tongue can get Klink out of this mess*
*is driving as fast as he can toward Gestapo Headquarters in Hammelburg*
"I think that's Hochstetter's staff car, Colonel!"
*peers closer*
"Yep, that's it, boy...I mean, sir. I can see Klink in the backseat."
*looks at Hogan*
"Should I speed up and cut him off?"

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Yeah. I don't wanna leave Klink in his custody any longer than we have to."
*can't help but smirk when he hears Hochstetter beep the horn and screech to a stop*
"Looks like it's showtime, Carter. Let's see if we still know how to sound like saurkrauts."
*chuckles*
*then forces himself to look angry*
*which isn't hard because he's pissed at Hochstetter*
*gets out of the car*
*draws his leather coat around his shoulders*
*quickly makes his way over to Hochstetter as the major gets out of his car*
"Ah, you must be Sturmbannführer und Kriminalrat Hochstetter, since you match the description I was given by Oberfeldwebel Schultz. Sehr gut."
*his dialect sounds like a mix of Saxonian and Bavarian, a result of the two Germans he spends the most time around*
"I am Brigadeführer und Generalmajor Aurick Schwarz."
*gestures to Carter, who has just gotten out of the car*
"This is my aide, Obersturmführer Oskar Durchdenwald."
*looks over Hochstetter's head to see Klink in the back seat*
*looks down at Hochstetter again*
*narrows his eyes*
"So, you do have Oberst Klink with you. Release him to me at once!"

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is pissed some idiot cut him off*
*gets out of the car to scream at them*
*changes his mind after noticing a general's flags on the car*
*and seeing the general himself*
*wishes he could tower over somebody just once*
"Ja, Herr Brigadeführer. That is me. But I cannot release Klink to you, sir. He is a traitor who is collaborating with ze Underground! He gave zem important military information!"
*is more concerned with how that dimwitted Feldwebel got ahold of an SS general than anything else*
*there are times when he doesn't have his priorities in order and this is one of them*
"Herr Brigadeführer, might I ask how Schultz got ahold of you? Or why you want custody of Klink?"

[Col. R. Hogan]

*stares at Hochstetter for a moment, debating how badly he can verbally tear the major a new one*
"Firstly, that Luftwaffe officer is Oberst Klink to you, Sturmbannführer. You will respect his rank in my presence or suffer my...displeasure."
*slips into his 'arrogant, full of himself asshole' mode with ease*
"You can't? You can't? Perhaps you have forgotten who outranks who here, hm? I am a general! If I say lick shit off my boots, you do it. If I order you to volunteer for the Russian Front, you do it. And if I say to release a prisoner to me, you do it!"
*is enjoying bellowing at Hochstetter for a change*
*seeing him flinch when the Front is mentioned is a bonus*
*switches to a calm tone*
"Regarding both of your questions, nein. You may not ask. Suffice it to say Feldwebel Schultz has many influential friends, people in various positions of power. You would do well not to get on his bad side. Or Oberst Klink's; his name is known to nearly everyone in Berlin associated with the Luftwaffe. Göring himself has ordered that this man remain at his current rank because of his perfect no-escape record...which is highly irregular. I have never met anyone who was not promoted because they were efficient."
*smirks*
"You, on the other hand, cannot say the same. Nobody in Berlin knows who you are. Well, except for me. I suppose I could tell the Reichsführer who you are - I am on his staff - but you would not live very long if I did. The only reason you are still breathing is due to him being very busy; he has yet to notice it is the same man spinning these wild stories about a POW being a spy. He detests those reports and would dearly love to have your head on a plate."
*points at Hochstetter and snarls*
"However, you set Oberst Klink up! I heard everything from the man you paid to do it!"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*is jerked out of his lethargy by the car screetching to a halt*
*Shuffles a bit to look through the open car door that Hochstetter left open*
*Sees a SS Brigadefuehrer and his aide but he could swear he had heard Hogan's voice*
*But he must be imagining it, after all he had an entire bottle of cognac ... No wonder he hears things. Especially when these things are very wishful thinking*
*Tries to get a better view while the Brigadefuehrer gives Hochstetter a liece of his mind but the driver points his gun at him and so he stays in the backseat*
*He thinks he should be hopeful because he thinks he heard the Brigadeführer order his release... But then again he heard Hogan's voice say that, so who knows if anything here is actually happening right now or if its just his alcohol and terror fueled Imagination*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*shakes his head*
"Er, nein. Zere is no need for that, Herr Brigadeführer. I would rather be an unknown nobody."
*can't believe Klink and Schultz have connections in Berlin but not him*
*or that Himmler thinks his detailed reports are nonsense*
*the only connection he'd ever suspect Schultz of having is at a bakery*
*looks nervous after the general says he framed Klink*
*but still sounds angry*
"I did nothing of ze sort, sir!"

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is happy when Hochstetter suddenly looks nervous*
"Good, then you should be happy about having accomplished your goal."
*smiles cruelly at the protest*
"Oh yes you did. While I was out on a date earlier this evening, I overheard an SS man bragging to the bartender about how he got paid to frame a Luftwaffe Oberst. He was deep into his cup, however, so I temporarily excused myself to speak with him. This man - Eberhard Kohlhaase - proceeded to tell me how Major Hochstetter wanted to get rid of a dummkopf named Wilhelm Klink. Herr Kohlhaase stated he wore a rubber skin cap and a fake hairpiece to pull off the impersonation, along with using a bit of stage makeup to alter his facial features somewhat. And that enraged me. I don't appreciate having to cut short my date with a beautiful Fräulein to go shoot a man, especially for something so petty."
*bellows again*
*pokes the major in the chest a few times*
"The Gestapo’s job is to catch criminals, Hochstetter! Not become them! Tensions are already high between the SS and the Luftwaffe; we don't need to fan that flame!"
*bends down*
"I have photos of everything too. The makeup kit, the skin cap, everything. I also have a verbal confession from Herr Kohlhaase. If I were anyone else, I would turn you in for this. Misappropriating funds to pursue a personal agenda is a serious crime. Who knows, I might even get a personal acknowledgement from Himmler. That could do wonders for my career. On the other hand, I'd hate to be responsible for another death today. Hmm..."
*pretends to think it over*
*enjoys seeing the major visibly sweating bullets*
"This is what I have decided to do. You are going to release Oberst Klink into my custody without saying anything else - and I mean that literally - before you leave. You shall not mention this incident to anyone either, lest I change my mind about letting you live. Give me a proper military salute if you understand."

[Col. R. Hogan]

*has thoroughly enjoying watching Hogan put the major in his place*
*wishes Newkirk and LeBeau could have seen it*
*Schultz too*
*can't wait to tell his two friends about this*
*nearly laughs out loud when Hochstetter actually salutes like a normal person*
*and practically trips over his own feet to obey orders*
*Remembers when Hochstetter once screamed "I vill not be intimidated!" only to run like hell 2 seconds later*
*the memory makes him grin while Klink is being helped into the backseat*
*is very glad Hogan isn't his enemy as he slides into the driver's seat*
*looks back at his CO*
"Where to, sir?"

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Whatever restaurant is closest, Obersturmführer Durchdenwald. Take some time to enjoy a hot meal and a beer; you've worked a great deal of overtime lately. Maybe you'll get lucky and find feminine company to enjoy as well. Unfortunately, one cannot order a woman off the menu."
*briefly smiles*
*then sounds serious again*
"But I won’t be joining you, since I still have to get the full side of the story from Oberst Klink. That will take several hours, however, so don't expect me to return with the car anytime soon."
*addresses Klink*
"I am not cruel for the sake of being cruel. If you cooperate with me, things will go smoothly. If not...I have ways of making you talk."

[Col. R. Hogan]

*smiles*
"Danke, sir. You are too kind."
*laughs*
"Ja, that is true. Perhaps that should be a priority in the next war."
*feels slightly strange about being dressed in one of his costumes and speaking German in front of Klink*
*at least he doesn't recognize them*
*which is good because he's fond of breathing*
*hopes the two colonels get all of their drama figured out while they're alone*
*and that Klink will stop taking the new hair growth serum Hogan had told him and the rest of the team about*
*it's turned the kommandant into a real asshole*
*knows if anybody can convey that message in a positive way, it's Hogan*
*finally pulls up in front of the Hofbräuhaus*
*turns off the engine*
*gets out of the car*
*opens the back door for his CO like an aide should*
*waits for Hogan to get out*
*shuts the door*
"Good luck with your interrogation, Herr Brigadeführer."

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Danke."
*motions for Carter to follow him far enough from the car so Klink can't hear them*
*still keeps an eye on the car in case Klink tries to bolt*
*whispers in English* 
"I borrowed a few containers from the guards' mess hall while you fellas were doing everything else. Take them with you so you can transport the food and beer back to camp."
*presses a wad of Reichmarks into Carter's palm*
"After you're through eating, order something the rest of the team can share. Get something for Schultz too. Probably should bring him an extra strudel or something, come to think of it. He was pretty cheesed off earlier."
*nods after Carter says "Yes sir."*
"Good man. Oh, and remind LeBeau to remove the flags before he returns Klink’s staff car to the motor pool. We almost had a disaster on our hands the one time he forgot."
*waits for Carter to grab the containers*
*slides into the driver's seat and closes the door*
*turns on the car*
*watches to make sure he gets inside before pulling away from the curb*
*drives up to a cliff he knows about in a very secluded area*
*the full moon makes everything look surreal*
*turns off the car*
*climbs into the backseat with Klink*
"So, Oberst Klink..."
*takes out the monocle*
"Es scheint, dass dies keine Hinrichtung war, sondern eher eine Rettung."
*switches to Enlish*
"I am so sorry for putting you through all of this, Kommandant. I know I don’t deserve it, but...but can you at least hear me out before you start screaming?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*did he hear that correctly? Schultz has contacts in Berlin? no, now he's sure he's delusional*
*is slow and awkward when the Brigadeführer helps him out of one car and into the other*
*just nods at his threat of making him talk*
*so nothing changed after all...*
*he's even still hearing hogan's voice all the time*
*he has obviously lost his mind*
*but he is too exhausted to care*
*everything seems really far away*


*just wearily stares out the window when the Brigadeführer drives deeper and deeper into the woods*
*wonders where they're going but then again nothing makes sense today*
*when the Brogadeführer climbs into the backseat with him it is the first time he gets a good look at his face*
*he could swear the man looks like Hogan in the moonlight*
*but then the man switches to english and the fog in his head finally seems to clear a little with the shock of realizing that it IS Hogan*
Hogan...?!
*stares at him stupidly, not yet fully realizing what is going on*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is alarmed at how Klink doesn't seem to register everything as quickly as usual*
"Yeah. Yeah, it's me, Colonel Hogan...Robert."
*stares in Klink’s eyes*
*sees only a blank look*
*is terrified he gave Klink a stroke or something*
"I rescued you from Hochstetter, sir. You're safe now."
*kisses him*
"See?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*wants to shove Hogan away as he is kissed but is too slow and it's already over when he finally finds his arms*
you saved me... *murmurs as if he needs to summarize it for himself*
they won't interrogate me
no firing squad...
but you said you didn't care....
*now his voice becomes shrill again as hurt pierces through the last bit of fog n his head and he comes to his senses again*
You said me being tortured to death was just collateral damage!!!
*grows louder and louder*
You had a plan but you let me believe that Hochstetter would torture and kill me?!!!
*he desperately wants to punch Hogan but there's no space in the car for a good swing and he still feels very weak*
*so he opens the car door instead and clumsily climbs out*
How could you do this to me?! *yells in hurt and desperation*
*his knees are still wobbly but he starts to walk away from the car desperate for distance between him and... that person*
*then turns around to the car*
Fick dich, Hogan! Fick dich!
*spits the words towards Hogan with venom dripping from them*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Nope, no firing squad."
*starts to explain further until Klink goes off on him*
*which is completely understandable given the angst-y drama he's been through*
*winces as it fully registers just how betrayed Klink must feel*
*climbs out of the car too*
"Wait! I can explain everything!"
*slowly walks toward Klink, respecting his space but making sure he doesn't get too far away since he's so wobbly*
*doesn't want him to fall and get hurt*
*winces again after Klink hurls obscenities at him*
*tone is pleading*
"Please, Colonel Klink! Just sit down and hear me out! I'll keep my distance if need be!"
*clasps his hands together like he's praying*
"If you're still mad afterwards, feel free to punch me, kick me...whatever you want. I just want the chance to explain myself. Please?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

Forget it, Hogan!!!
*his voice is hoarse with with emotion, the most prevalent one hate*
I'm through with you!!!!
*turns around again and stomps off into the woods*
With you and your men and your operation
*doesn't know where he is headed, just away*
I never want to see your face again!!
*feels tears stinging in his eyes that are probably part relief and part betrayal*
von mir aus kannst du verrecken!