I Need to Apologize (Explicit)

[Oberst W. Klink]

*stares at the cap angrily for a moment but then decides to not even bother*
Hoooogaaannn *exasperated*

*buries his face in his hands at Hogan's question*
What's it to you. It doesn't matter, just let me get on with my work *sounds a bit desperate*
*put quickly catches himself and looks Hogan in the eye, scrutinizing him*
I can't grant you anymore commodities, Hogan. Ever.
A day pass to town is right now the likeliest thing you'd get from me because that, at least, doesn't cost anything.
But of course you're not going anywhere!
Except out of my office!
preferably now
*tries to stare Hogan down*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"I'll have you know it matters a lot to me. A happy kommandant is an efficient kommandant...and one that keeps the local goons away from my men and I."
*meets Klink’s gaze with a neutral expression.*
"Aw, I'm hurt. I thought you trusted me, sir."
*doesn't flinch. His expression changes to one of geniune concern*
"I'm not leaving before you tell me what's got you all in a tizzy."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Hogan *sighs*
Don't tell me you wouldn't be happy if they shipped me off to Stalingrad
*leans back, exhausted*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Stalingrad? Are you nuts, Colonel Klink? You'd be killed in record time when the sunlight bounced off the snow and hit you in the monocle!"
*leans in close*
"If I wanted you to never be heard from again, I'd hide you in my room, on my top bunk."
*smirks*
"What do you think of that idea?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*confused bc Hogan changed the topic so rapidly and weirdly*
what?
what are you talking about Colonel Hogan?
Are you well? *raised eyebrow*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Hm? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm perfectly fine."
*chews on his bottom lip*
"But uh...if you ever wanted to come over and chat sometime, I wouldn't be opposed. I mean, we're the only officers in this camp, and...you know. Might be nice to have a conversation that doesn't have to do with war."

[Oberst W. Klink]

*frowns*
*still somewhat confused about Hogan's behaviour*
Well, not today. As I said i need to get on with this!
...or you might soon get to share conversation with a different officer...
Dissssmissed!!

[Col. R. Hogan]

*briefly looks hurt, but stubbornly sits there*
"Kommandant, I'm not leaving until you tell me what's going on. I wanna help you if I can; my complaint can wait."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Hear hear
*Eyes hogan mistrustful*
*Then sighs*
You can't help me unless you're an accountant by any chance...

[Col. R. Hogan]

"I'm not, but Carter is. He went to business school and everything."
*sighs*
"What did you do now?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*looks pained*
Headquarters are sending an inspector to control my books...
They say I'm spending too much... Order too many supplies...
And to be honest, I did
*Loosens his tie and takes off his hat, looking more pained*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*chuckles*
"Is that all? Colonel Klink, you had me worried this was something serious! All you have to do is get your books in order so the inspector doesn't have to come here. Simple."
*wraps his arms around his torso*
"Carter can help you with that. Actually, he'd jump at the chance to do so."

[Oberst W. Klink]

*buries his face in his hands*
It's not what you think, Hogan.
It's not about the odd case of wine or champagne that I ordered for myself pretending i was hosting some General...
*Swallows*
It's much more than that...
More like... All the food during the past six months.
*Collapses into himself*
You know, Hogan, how the war is going for us... I'm sure you do.
I didn't want you and your men to go hungry... So i made HQ believe there were thefts, or that rotten food had been sent, things like that.
*Smacks his hand to his forehead*
But i was too stupid to feign the books right away! I'm such an idiot!
And now the inspector is on his way and i dont have the time to fix it...
*Wrings his hands in despair*
This time I'm done for. They'll have me courtmartialed!

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Yeah, I - "
*cuts off the snarky reply he was going to make when he hears Klink’s next words. Blinks in surprise a few times*
"You...you got yourself into financial trouble because you were trying to do something nice for me and my men? I'm touched, sir. I really am. That...that means a lot to me."
*hesitates, then reaches out to take Klink’s hand in his*
"Sir, you're not an idiot. You were just trying to do right by your prisoners. That's a good thing."
*sighs*
"Look, I promise you won't be court-martialed. I can help you fix this - but you're gonna have to trust me. Deal?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*looks at Hogan's hand around his for a short while not 100% registering it*
*then looks at Hogan half hopeful half desperate*
I really don't know how you could fix this...
I've been at it all night ... there's just not enough time!
*suddenly leans in over the desk and grabs Hogan's other hand*
You can get me to Switzerland! Don'T you?! You have contacts, right?!

[Col. R. Hogan]

*gives Klink's hand a light squeeze*
"That's why I said you're gonna have to trust me, Kommandant. Let's just say I'm a man who knows how to get things done and leave it at that, okay?"
*continues to hold Klink’s hand, smiling slightly when his other one is held too*
"I can’t answer that one way or the other. Not that it matters, though, 'cause you're not gonna be leaving. I - we wouldn't know what to do without you here at Stalag 13."
*clears his throat and flushes a bit, still holding both of Klink's hands*
"Besides, do you have any idea how many escapes there would be if you left us? This place would be completely empty within five minutes! Why, your iron fist is the only thing keeping all of us prisoners locked up."
*looks serious*
"I promise I won't let anything bad happen to you, sir...not while I still have breath in my body. And yes, that includes being court-martialed. You have my word as an officer and a gentleman on that topic."
*smiles again*
"Feel better yet?"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*leans back in his chair, relieved*
You don't need to flatter me, Colonel Hogan. I trust you.
...what choice do I have, anyway...
I just wish you'd grace me with your trust as well.
*Gives Hogan a serious look*
I'm not stupid, you know?
... Then again, maybe it's easier to keep Hochstetter away from you if I'm actually oblivious.
*Sighs and gets up for some more Cognac*

[Col. R. Hogan]

"Glad to hear it. I like to think of myself as the best enemy a man could ever have."
*briefly laughs, but momentarily tenses when Klink next speaks.*
"I never said you were, Colonel Klink. If nothing else, you survived the War to End All Wars...that's gotta count for something. Not sure what you mean about me trusting you; I don’t have anything to hide. How could I when I'm just an ordinary prisoner of war?"
*watches Klink like a hawk while he gets his cognac. He wraps his arms around himself again, his body language slightly nervous.*
"Keeping Hochstetter away from me is always appreciated, though. He's worse than a stalker!"

[Oberst W. Klink]

*had just started to feel sort of a connection to Hogan*
*but gets pissed at Hogan's claims*
*turns around with no cognac and gives Hogan a deathglare*
Could you at least bother with better lies when trying to fool me? *growls*
this is insulting and beneath both of us

[Col. R. Hogan]

*looks taken aback by Klink’s harsh tone. When he speaks again, his tone is guarded*
"What are you not telling me, Kommandant? I know you well enough to recognize when you're hinting at something by now."
*is torn between wanting to come clean and run away*