I Need to Apologize (Explicit)

[Oberst W. Klink]

*was about to doze off when the door flew open*
*Flinches in surprise and confusion*
*Sees Hochstetter and anger flares up*
*Gets up and opens his mouth to give Hochstetter a how dare he*
*But he doesn't get to before he hears the word traitor*
*His mouth falls open and his monocle falls out of his eye*
*his heart and mind just stop for a moment*
*How did hochstetter know?!*
*Falls into his chair his fist clutching the uniform over his heart*
Traitor? *Flatly*
*Is so scared that he feels just numb*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Kinch:
*Knows that the Colonel probably won't like it but he needs to know*
*Waits till the door is closed*
Sir.... It might be none of my business... But this does affect the operation, so I have to ask...
What happened?
I know that it was nothing that came in via radio...
And you seemed fine when you left to see Klink yesterday...
What happened, sir?
*looks at Hogan with concern*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*doesn't really want to answer it*
*but wants to answer other types of questions even less*
"I can't deal with Klink anymore, that's what. He's too vain and selfish for me."
*part of him feels awful about saying thise things*
*knows he has to if  he doesn't want anyone to suspect the truth*
"I'd say something if it affected the operation, you know. "

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is pleased to see Klink so scared*
*gets his greatest pleasure out of terrifying others*
*if they're nice people, all the better*
*Wolfgang Hochstetter only likes dark, twisted things*
"Ja. You see, I have been tailing a suspected Underground agent for some time. Last night I finally apprehended them. But before we did, a Luftwaffe Oberst was spotted talking to said agent at 2130 hours...and giving them valuable information! One of my men - the one who brought me photographic evidence of the whole ordeal - assures me it was you. And after looking at the photos, I agree with him. There are no other Luftwaffe officers around here of your rank. Even if zere were, what are the odds zey are balding and wear a monocle?"
*smiles cruelly*
"Unless you have an albi, your days are numbered, Klink."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Kinch:

*is slightly confused about Hogan's explanation as he never gave the impression of particularly disliking Klink or his mannerisms *
I'm sure you would, sir...
*still looks at Hogan and his puffy eyes with concern*
... Is there maybe... something you would like to talk about as a friend?

*remembers that just two days ago it was Klink who got Hogan out of his "condition", which was also really weird since the condition just like now started when the Colonel came back from seeing the Kommandant*
*frowns in disgust*
Klink didn't ... do anything to you, did he?

[Oberst W. Klink]

*slowly comes to his senses again as the Info Hochstetter gives him slowly trickles into his overtired and scared brain and he realizes that he has an alibi. He was doing all the sweetest things with Hogan then*
*grimaces at the thought that Hochstetter migth find out what he and Hogan did*
*gets up to use his height against Hochstetter*
Mein lieber Major Hochstetter *he says with a wicked grin*
*bends over his desk down to Hochstetter, both palms on the desk, putting his weight on his arms, owning his space*
yesterday evening from 9 o'clock i was in my quarters *hesitates for a tiny moment* playing chess with Colonel Hogan!
*wants to add "as he will surely confirm" but actually he isn't so sure if Hogan would be so happy to speak in Klink's favor today*
*tries to not show the terror that comes with this thought. Being on his own from now on...*
I did not leave this camp yesterday at all as every guard here can assure you!
As for your seeing me in town....
*a terrible realization creeps into his mind and his eyes widen in fear again*
*a bald Luftwaffe Oberst with a monocle?! How likely was that?! Hochstetter must be trying to frame him... and that meant all was lost. If Hochsteter came here to accsue him of charges he knew to be false, that meant the firing squad and not even Burkhalter could save him then*
that can't be true! *voice sounds a bit breathless from fear*
You'll have to show me that photograph!
*his heart races and he's trembling*
*just prays that Hochstetter doesn't see his shaking*

[Col. R. Hogan]

*shakes his head*
*forces a smile he doesn't feel*
"No, I'm fine. Well, other than dealing with the usual stressors of command, of course. But thanks for asking me. That was awfully nice of you."
*is very glad he has a good poker face after Kinch asks his second question*
*digusted tone*
"Hell no! He wouldn't still be breathing if he had. There’s a lot of things I'll put up with from Klink, but that isn't one of 'em. Ew."
*feels like shit after saying that out loud because he'd greatly enjoyed doing explicit things with Klink*
*runs a hand through his hair*
"Klink and I do need a break from seeing each other, though, which is why I'm having you take over the reporting for a while. He's been kinda touchy lately. Who knows, maybe Burkhalter’s threatening to bring his sister here again. Wouldn't be the first time the Bald Eagle's thought about flying the coop."
*forces a chuckle*
*claps Kinch on the shoulder*
"You and the fellas worry about me too much. I'm supposed to take care of you guys, not the other way around."

[Col. R. Hogan]

*looks up when Klink towers over him*

*scowls because he hates any reminders that he's short*

*dearly wishes he could punch that stupid grin off Klink's face*

*speaks in a faux calm tone*

"Oh, is that right? With Hogan? Sehr interessant."

*slaps his palm on the desk*

"Always it is Hogan who is involved in ze funny business! Every single time something happens around here, his name comes up!"

*snarls*

"I wouldn’t trust ze word of any of your guards if you paid me. You and the rest of Luftwaffe are the only reason ve have not yet won ze war!"

*takes a few breaths to calm down*

"Oh, certainly. Summon your worthless excuse for a Feldwebel and have him bring Hogan in here. Then both of you can see the photo together. We shall see if you are lying or not, Klink."

*sits in the guest chair*

*smiles cruelly again after seeing Klink tremble*

"And if you are...I will take great pleasure in personally handling ze matter."

[Oberst W. Klink]

Kinch:

*is relieved when Hogan starts joking again*
*laughs about the thing with Frau Linkmeyer*
as long as you know we're not only your subordinates, sir, but also your friends and happy to support you in that regard if you need ...
*there's a knock on the door*

[Oberst W. Klink]

LeBeau:
*comes in without waiting to be called*
Mon Colonel! Hochstetter is here!

[Oberst W. Klink]

*sits down again in his chair without saying anything further to Hochstetter*
*is covered in cold sweat*
*takes the telephone receiver with a trembling hand*
Fräulein Hilda, send me Schultz.
*his voice is weak and still a bit breathless from  his racing heart*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*has already waited in the ante since he expected to be called when he saw Hochstetter arrive*
*enters the office*
*salutes and stands at attention*
Herr Kommandant?

[Col. R. Hogan]

*smiles*
"I know, Kinch. A man could never forget that when he's got such great friends."
*turns toward his door*
*sighs after he hears the news*
*pinches the bridge of his nose*
"Thanks, LeBeau.*
*grabs the coffeepot and plugs it in*
"Let’s see what our favorite social butterfly has to say today."

[Col. R. Hogan]

*rolls his eyes at Klink’s theatrics*
*has a very creepy looking grin on his face by now*
"Schultz, just the man I was looking for. Go fetch Colonel Hogan at once."
*cackles*
"Tell him might want to say his goodbyes to Oberst Klink."

[Oberst W. Klink]

*flinches when Hochstetter sends off Schultz*
*wants to say something but he feels too sick to properly reprimand Hochstetter*
*feels dizzy with fear and his vision turns black for a moment at Hochstters last comment*
*hangs in his chair like a wet rag*
*what a time he chose to fall out with Hogan*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:

*glances worriedly at his Kommandant before he hurries out*
*almost runs across the compound and into Barracks 2*
Colonel Hooooogan!
Colonel Hogan?
*turns to Hogans office and opens the door*
Colonel Hogan! *is out of breath and visibly upset*
You must come to the Kommandantur at once!
Major Hochstetter is here and he looks wayyy too happy!
Please come quickly!
He said you should say your goodbyes to the big shot!
*rolls his eyes in fear and worry and wipes his sweaty brow*
Ach du liebe Zeit....

[Col. R. Hogan]

*had tossed something over the coffeepot to hide it when he heard Schultz thundering through like a bull elephant*
*listens to Schultz's report*
"Oh boy. If the major’s happy, it usually means everyone else isn't."
*rolls his eyes*
"Don’t know why Klink wants to rub his furlough leave in my face, but sure. Guess I could spare a few minutes to talk to him and Hochstetter. Thanks for letting me know, Schultz."
*stands up*
*grabs his crush cap*
"Keep the coffee warm for me, fellas. I'll be back shortly."

-In the Kommandantur-

*strolls into the office*
*glances at Klink out of the corner of his eye, but doesn't directly look at him*
"Hi, Major. What's this I hear about saying goodbye? Is our illustratious Kommandant going on furlough again?"

[Col. R. Hogan]

*is not irritated by Hogan's presence today*
"Not exactly, Hogan."
*continues to grin while he explains*
"Kommandant Klink claims he as playing chess with you at 2100 hours last night. Unfortunately for him, I have evidence proving he was passing important information to a suspected member of ze Underground. Even more unfortunate is that General Burkhalter is away from Berlin at a conference, and zerefore will be unable to offer his assistance. Assuming, of course, that he would even bother with it. The general has very little regard for idiots."
*sneers at Klink*
*turns back to Hogan*
"I called you here because I want to know if your precious kommandant is lying to me or not. If he is, he shall be...er, permanently leaving Stalag 13 at dusk this evening." *directs his last sentence in a low growl to Klink* "I also want to know if you think ze man in ze photo I'm going to show you is ze same one that is sitting in front of you."
*gets up*
*reaches into his uniform tunic to grab the photo*
*lays it on the desk so both Klink and Hogan can see the bald, monocle-wearing Luftwaffe Oberst in the photo*

[Oberst W. Klink]

Schultz:
*has entered after Hogan*
*is so worreid about how happy Hochstetter is that he forgets to be afraid*
*als Hochstetter usually doesn't direct his wrath at him*
Aber Herr Major!
It is impossible that the Oberst is in this Foto!
Noone has left the camp yesterday, at all!
The gates were not opened once!

[Oberst W. Klink]

*is slightly relieved when Hogan enters*
*his presence reassures him and also he can't believe that Hogan would let Hochstetter execute him, even if he's terribly mad*
Hogan! *still breathless*
thank god you're here!
*terror rises again when Hogan doesn't look at him*
*Hogan can't actually deny his help when Hochstetter is trying to frame him, can he?*
*anxiously glances at the photo*